so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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