When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
