he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
