I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
