we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
