This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
