the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize