Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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