Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
