you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
