he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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