Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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