exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
