Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
