apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize