what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
