party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
