I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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