just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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