is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
they're like a gay fantastic four
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
