I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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