i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
