Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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