I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
