He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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