and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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