I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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