we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
