My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
