Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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