i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
