I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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