the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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