the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
whose ass print is on the piano?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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