Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
