you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
