How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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