Just mADE A PArabola og urine
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
