We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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