He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize