Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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