When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
