wanna go halves on a baby?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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