A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
