She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
50% drunk capacity currently
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
