Small penises have feelings too.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
