I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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