why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
