and she was petting her beer can
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize