Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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