Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Are we still banned from the library?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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