My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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