I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
