He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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