remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
