Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
