i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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