if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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