I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
