Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
