Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
