When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
