toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
