omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
