so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
