he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
