Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
