Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
