let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
